Dirty Neurotica 2009

It’s official. Pre-production is full swing ahead for Mel Gibson’s film on Judah Macabee, the Hebrew warrior who fought off the Roman’s in the 2nd Jewish revolt that the story of Hannukah is based on. Mel doesn’t seem to care about the fact that there’s already a Macabee project that’s been in the works for years, or that no one on the planet wants him to make this movie, especially the Jews. 

I’ve got a beef with Mel, because I keep up with his crazy antics and get a kick out of the fact that he’s balls to the wall insane, but that’s also ruined his own movies for me and they used to be some of my favorites. Now whenever I see Braveheart there may as well be a little news scroll at the bottom that just says things like: Sugartits. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world. You should shut up and BLLOOOOWW MEEE!!! Because I deserve it!!.

That last one really gets me. Nobody “deserves” a blow job. They’re just wonderful little miracles when they happen, but the fact that Mel thought the world owed him a blow job shows his psychology. And in the scene where he’s getting his guts torn out of him and screams “Freedom!!” in Braveheart has now become dubbed with “Sugartits!!!” in my fragile mind. 

I think a Mel Gibson directed Judah Macabee could be cool though. He’s going to turn the story of Hanukkah into a super violent story, no doubt, with big epic fight scenes and Judah will probably fall for some exotic looking beautiful Shiksa that will give Judah the support he needs to see this miracle through. It would be pretty funny to see Judah Macabee chop off the heads of like 10 Romans and go home to his lady and be super nervous about not having enough oil for the Menorah and then have his mother ask him why he doesn’t want to marry a Jewish girl or something and remind our hero that Christ died maliciously at the hands of the Jews to absolve us of our sins. 

Either way, Hanukkah will never be the same again and maybe this is Mel’s way of getting back at the Jews. Anyone pretending this story has any particular deep spiritual resonance is B.S’ing you though. Hanukkah is the Jews’ way of flipping off Santa Claus and telling all them lil Jews that we got presents on our side too when its snowy and shitty out and everyone’s filled with Christmas (sorry, “Holiday”) cheer. Full swing ahead, I say and maybe in due time we can get Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner to do a movie about the Pope. 

It’s the 20th Anniversary of Nirvana’s Nevermind and though I can’t say that I rememeber early 90’s culture as much as Generation X must, I can appreciate the music scene at the time. My cousin in Canada may possibly be the biggest Nirvana fan of all time and had a vigil for him the day he died. But something about grunge never quite rang true to me. The 90’s were a time of economic prosperity and general optimism what with the fall of the Berlin wall and all. I didn’t then and still don’t understand where the melancholia of Nirvana and the grunge scene came from, really. People are generally worse off today than they were then and maybe Kurt Cobain had some issues, but why did the culture at the time relate to it so well? It was the same prognosis I suppose as James Dean’s appeal during one of the most prosperous decades in American history. 

Across the pond, the Brits had been working on something of their own all through the 80’s but it wasn’t until the early 90’s with the parallel of grunge that Britpop truly emerged as a genre of its own and a force to be reckoned with on the music scene. To me, it’s the perfect representation of a peaceful clash of civilizations and an expression of why I love the Brits so much. While America was unhappy and not sure why, looking for “answers” in lyrics that nobody understood (nobody really knows exactly what the lyrics to “Smells Like Teen Spirit” mean except Kurt), the Brits were creating a sonic revolution around the very British mentality of optimism and a stiff upper lip. This was music about enjoying life through adversity, about calling others out hypocrisy and telling it like it is with a smile on your face. Look at the Stone Roses, Pulp, early Oasis, Suede, The Verve, solo Morrissey… the list goes on, but you get the point. In my mind, Britpop never got the respect it deserved. Kurt Cobain’s unfortunate death cemented his legacy along with grunge as a generational symbol of the confusion and disparity of generation X in America at least. There was never a figure in Britpop to compete with that image and Britpop ultimately fell apart for the same reasons as gunge. It was just something that happened. Nobody cared about it then as a “thing”, but I’m hoping something like it makes a comeback. Today’s culture is starved for talent and identity along the line of rocking Britpop optimism again. 

I’m h now and I finished the conan movie. I prejudged and for that i apologize to my loyal audience. conan’s cool. he’ll be fine. 

I watched the Conan O’Brien documentary last night and I don’t know if it was just because I was high, but seeing Conan behind the scenes like that and being so upset over the Tonight Show thing kind of changed my opinion of him and not for the better. He actually is a bit of a tyrant to his staff, personal assisstant and writers and to see Conan not be a happy go lucky, albeit self- deprecating character takes away from the essence of the man. The documentary was a big mistake in my estimation because to see Conan taking this really fun, dumb humor so seriously and being so bummed out over a TV show is a bit of a joke in and of itself. Conan’s had a good life, better than most. Sure the Tonight Show debacle was unfair to him, but there are bigger problems in this world and people lose jobs every day in this economy that mean more to them than Conan’s who made a huge pay day and did not go gently into that good night with grace and dignity. Not that he had to and his last few weeks on NBC made for some great television, but he wanted to deal with the situation from every angle. Be an angry rebel, be a good little well paid employee without bitterness, be a TV leader and be a joke. That’s the conundrum of Conan and his TBS show is getting increasingly lower ratings because it’s easy to get Conan fatigue. The shtick gets old and we get that Conan’s a funny, awkward, weird looking guy, but when you see that dude being mean to his assistant and its not a joke and that Conan is just another person like everybody else it all suddenly stops being funny. I think I have a stoner’s sense of humor when I’m not high and a sophisticated British sense of humor when I am. Should’ve watched Keeping Up Appearances I guess. 

Yeah, I watch this douche-y, bro-y show and I love it. When Entourage started off, I was its number one fan when I could get me a peek at that HBO once in awhile. HBO was so rare and classy to me at the time that I had to rent the DVD’s. There were Entourage DVD’s in my house at one point. Vince was cool and most of the acting was lame but likable guys, but Ari Gold was the man to me. He’s like to Jews what Tony Soprano must be like to a lot of Italians. Like, HBO pays it dues to all the ethnic groups is all I’m saying. But it’s like, Larry David is just a schmuck. Ari is like a cool agent guy who really would be hanging out with celeb’s and is based on a real guy, so the real Ari could be cool enough to watch a show called Entourage and be glad it’s over on the last episode (which is what I think will happen in the series finale. Ari Emanuel just shuts off the TV, looks into the camera and says, “Eh.”)

I think Vince will go to rehab, find Mandy Moore there making out with Flavor Flav or Mini-Me and escape and O.D. I just feel like they’re going to kill him off real dark. I don’t know why. 

E will have to divorce Sloane when he finds out she’s cheating on him with me. I’ll be a complete dick about it too and make a Yankees joke and rep Boston Red Sox, despite my intense hatred and boredom with the sport of Baseball. Sloane and I will get married and it’ll be awesome because besides her being fucking gorgeous, I’d have Alex from a Clockwork Orange as my Father in Law. And anytime he’s in the room and she call’s me from another I’ll look at him and say “Which one?” and it’ll get real old quick and Malcolm McDowell would hate me for it.

Uhm… Drama’s the only one who’ll keep a career doing voice over’s and Turtle will move to the local park and sell weed to small children and go on to sue Mark Wahlberg.

Entourage just went overboard a bit, but it was fun and I genuinely think Jeremy Piven should do an Ari show spin off. It could be smaller and people would love it. Or an Ari origin movie!