Dirty Neurotica 2009

Yeah, I watch this douche-y, bro-y show and I love it. When Entourage started off, I was its number one fan when I could get me a peek at that HBO once in awhile. HBO was so rare and classy to me at the time that I had to rent the DVD’s. There were Entourage DVD’s in my house at one point. Vince was cool and most of the acting was lame but likable guys, but Ari Gold was the man to me. He’s like to Jews what Tony Soprano must be like to a lot of Italians. Like, HBO pays it dues to all the ethnic groups is all I’m saying. But it’s like, Larry David is just a schmuck. Ari is like a cool agent guy who really would be hanging out with celeb’s and is based on a real guy, so the real Ari could be cool enough to watch a show called Entourage and be glad it’s over on the last episode (which is what I think will happen in the series finale. Ari Emanuel just shuts off the TV, looks into the camera and says, “Eh.”)

I think Vince will go to rehab, find Mandy Moore there making out with Flavor Flav or Mini-Me and escape and O.D. I just feel like they’re going to kill him off real dark. I don’t know why. 

E will have to divorce Sloane when he finds out she’s cheating on him with me. I’ll be a complete dick about it too and make a Yankees joke and rep Boston Red Sox, despite my intense hatred and boredom with the sport of Baseball. Sloane and I will get married and it’ll be awesome because besides her being fucking gorgeous, I’d have Alex from a Clockwork Orange as my Father in Law. And anytime he’s in the room and she call’s me from another I’ll look at him and say “Which one?” and it’ll get real old quick and Malcolm McDowell would hate me for it.

Uhm… Drama’s the only one who’ll keep a career doing voice over’s and Turtle will move to the local park and sell weed to small children and go on to sue Mark Wahlberg.

Entourage just went overboard a bit, but it was fun and I genuinely think Jeremy Piven should do an Ari show spin off. It could be smaller and people would love it. Or an Ari origin movie!